Thanks for the Memories
This Memorial Day—a day set aside to encourage us to remember those we have lost—let’s raise our glass to those we have loved and also to the wonderous synapses capable of holding memories of that love, which is a gift very much worth remembering.
I know it’s sometimes hard to fully appreciate innate qualities of being human. I mean, do we regularly thank our lucky stars that our ancestors gradually evolved less fur on a hot summer day or how about the fact that we stand upright so we can better inspect the objects we find in the physical world? I know I certainly don’t. But there’s another piece about being human that I don’t give nearly enough gravity. Memory.
Our brain’s ability to recall past events, thoughts, and behaviors is truly a biological super power. Think of it: we have the ability to evaluate current choices based on past outcomes, the past outcomes of those we know and might have heard about, and even, thanks to another innate human ability—language—we can even remember lessons learned from reading them in books or memes on Instagram. The term Homo sapien literally means wise man. I don’t know how truly wise our species has been over its brief existence, but a part of the reason for that name is that we can choose our path independently of instinct or chemical impulses based on what ever scraps of wisdom we might have gained through our life experience. And that, my friends, is entirely because we have the ability to remember.
One experience in my life that definitely made me appreciate memory a lot more was seeing my grandmother—Grammy Rees—lose hers due to dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease. I had the chance to call her every night to remind her to take her evening pills. Looking back on that responsibility, I realize what a true gift it was to count on talking to someone who was always thrilled to hear from me every day. Even in her final months when I got the sense that she wasn’t exactly sure who I was, she still brightened my day.
Near the end of her life she had practically no working memory left. Occasionally she’s pick up on scraps of songs or threads of connection to family members, but essentially, she lived completely in the present with no context to build on and no reason to think very far at all into the future.
I guess in some ways, that might have some appeal, right? Having no memory of what happened before means regrets, opportunities not taken, words you wish you could take back, and scars from past relationships and other hurtful memories inevitably loses its grip on us. And we’re encouraged by modern self-help gurus to live in the present. So what’s the real value of memory anyway?
Having lost a lot of my childhood memories due to a brain injury but yet being fortunate to have recovered sufficiently that I can contemplate about that loss has given me a rather unique perspective on memories. When push comes to shove, it is our layering of memory upon memory that builds our life and who we are. We might still be living and we are still capable of experiencing happiness to a degree just like my Grammy Rees always showed every night we chatted over those few years. But without the ability to remember, we have no context of who we are, no clear picture of what we’re capable of, and no way of understanding the deeper feeling of emotions like sorrow but also joy.
I guess that must be something that just comes with the territory of being Home sapiens, those darn wise bundles of thoughts and feelings and hopes and desires and fears and regrets. We need to be willing and able to recall even the hardest of times so that the richest moments of our lives can stand bright against the darkness. Any significant achievement, beautiful moment, or life fulfillment can be enhanced by building those experiences based on past experience and then long after the actual moment passes, we can still get glimmers of joy reflecting back on those experiences.
So, this Memorial Day—a day set aside to encourage us to remember those we have lost—let’s raise our glass to those we have loved and also to the wonderous synapses capable of holding memories of that love, which is a gift very much worth remembering.