What Happens After the Car Crash
When we have the car wrecks of life, it can be so easy to shift blame or justify our mistakes. But to build true character, we need to act the way we profess we believe and cheer all around us to do the same.
While returning home after a speaking engagement for my Church today, I was unfortunately a was hit by another car that was rolling out of a parking lot without look or stopping for oncoming traffic. The driver sped off and I wasn’t even able to get a description or license plate of the car. Thankfully, my car is older and not worth that much, so I’ll probably just sand down the scrapes the other drive left and repaint myself. That’ll take a bit of time and both, but not that big of a deal really, and I’m very thankful that no one was hurt.
As I was driving the few miles home after the incident, I was struck by the fact that I didn’t harbor any ill-will toward the other motorist at all. In fact, I was surprised to realize that my overwhelming feeling was actually sadness for the other driver. I don’t know what their situation might have been. Maybe kids were in the back seat distracting the driver or maybe they were preoccupied by troubles I had no clue about. But for whatever the reason, doing the wrong thing in not stopping and exchanging insurance information will inevitably lead to less desirable outcomes for them on the long run.
Recognizing we have made a mistake can be one of the most challenging things we ever do. So much so, that sometimes we try to hide from the responsibility of that mistake or try to pawn off the blame to someone or something else. I think we all are wonderful at playing the justification game where our circumstances are projected away from our own actions and decisions.
But contrary to all of the anxiety and fear that making mistakes can bring, it’s been my experience that in the overwhelming majority of situations, people appreciate it when we recognize our mistakes and do our best to make recompense either through sincere apologies or in trying to ameliorate the situation in other ways. And though that recompense might mean some hard things and some hard moments down the road, often, the side-effects of this recognition of mistakes heals relationships so that they are even stronger than before. And we are able to add another data point that leads to our overarching geotagged map of our character.
One way I like to think about character is to reflect on what I am standing for right now and what that project out into the world. Am I honest with myself first and then also when interacting with others? Do I believe even good principles strongly enough and have them engrained into my mindset enough that I live according to those beliefs even when and perhaps especially when, it would be more convenient to do otherwise?
Honestly, that is one of the greatest sources of hope I have for humanity—in believing that though people might not always live up to their personal ideals, most people still have at least the aspiration of living up to those ideals. And that is also why I’m able to let go of the frustration of having my car damages without being compensated because I know all too well that I don’t always measure up either.
If we can juxtapose the two ideas at once—the hope for a just and character driven world on the one hand and looking at ourselves individually to discover ways of improving—we’ll be able to forgive ourselves and others while still holding ourselves and our communities to account to try again at being a bit better than before.